With all the conflicting parenting advice out there, it’s difficult to know whether you’re a good parent or a bad parent. Take this handy quiz to find out once and for all.
Keep track of your answers on a post-it and total your score at the end. Won’t it be a relief to know whether or not you’re a bad mom?

1. How many hours per week does your child spend in daycare?
A. None. I’m a stay-at-home mom.
B. 40 or more. I work full-time.
C. About 20. I work half-time.

2. Where does your baby sleep
A. In a crib.
B. In my bed.
C. In a co-sleeper.

3. Do you allow your child to watch television?
A. Yes.
B. No.

4. Has your child been vaccinated?
A. Yes.
B. No.

5. How many scheduled activities (storytimes, lessons, classes or playgroups) does your child attend each week?
A. None
B. One or more.

ANSWERS:
1. Day Care.
A: Stay at home mom. You are a bad mom. Your child will be poorly socialized, will lack verbal skills, and will become horribly ill during kindergarten because he or she has never been exposed to germs.
B: Full-time working mom. You are a bad mom. Your child will have an attachment disorder. You are missing the best years of his or her life.
C: Part-time working mom. You are the worst mom. Your child will suffer attachment issues, be poorly socialized, lack verbal skills and will be sick as a dog forever.

2. Sleeping arrangements.
A: Baby sleeps in a crib. You are a bad mom. How could you put your child in a cage to sleep? What’s wrong with you?
B: Baby sleeps in your bed. You are a bad mom. How could you risk rolling onto your child and killing her? What’s wrong with you?
C: Baby sleeps in a co-sleeper. You are a bad mom. How could you waste so much money on that ridiculous co-sleeper? Is it because you read about it in Dr. Sears? You won’t be able to afford to send your child to college.

3. Television
Yes. You are a bad mom. Your child will be violent, mouthy, and unpleasant. He or she will whine for every candy and toy they see the next time you go to the store.
No. You are a bad mom. Your child will lack reading skills and will have nothing to talk with other children about. You are raising a freak.

4. Vaccinations.
A: Yes. You are a bad mom. How could you do that to a helpless baby who cannot consent to being experimented on by the public health system?
B: No. You are a bad mom. How could you do that to a helpless baby whose immune system can’t fight off all those germs?

5. Activities.
A: None. You are a bad mom. Your child will fall behind his or her peers and never catch up if you don’t head over to the children’s theatre production of “Apocalypse Now” this weekend.
B: One or more. You are a bad mom. Your child is overscheduled and will suffer a breakdown due to the stress you’re putting on him or her. You’re probably doing Suzuki, aren’t you?

Brought to you by the folks at Parenting, Mothering, Time, Newsweek, The Today Show, Babycenter.com, Wonder Time, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Your Pregnancy Week by Week, your pediatrician, your obstetrition, your mother, your mother-in-law, and that awful psycho in the elevator who knows better than you how you should be raising your kids.

Of course there is one for men too:

1. How much time per week do you spend in the same room with your child(ren)?
A) 0 — I work 100 hours per week and travel more than 50%
B) 3-5
C) 24/7 — I am a stay at home dad

2. Where does your baby sleep?
A) In his own room in a crib
B) In bed with the wife
C) In bed with both of us

3. How many diapers have you changed in your child’s life?
A) 0-1, but I made sure the little woman always did it within 4 hours of the kid dropping a load
B) 50-100
C) About once a day when I was home

4. If divorced, do you pay child support?
A) Yes, the minimum amount
B) Yes, when I can afford it after the widescreen tv payments
C) No, I got out of it and use the money to pay for my new, blond, wife and our two new children

5. What do you know about your children?
A) Their names, their friends, their friends’ parents, the number for their school or daycare, their dietary likes and dislikes, their vaccine schedule (or all the reasons why they are not vaccinated), the date of their next dentist, pediatrician, and music lesson appointments, and what they really want for their birthday
B) Their names, a couple of their friends’ names, the type of instrument they play, and what they want for their birthday
C) Their names… usually

Tally up your answers:

Time with kids:
A) None–you are a good dad, because you work so hard to provide for them.
B) 3-5 hrs/week–you are a good dad, because that’s more than your father spent with you
C) SAH–you are a Super Dad!

Sleep arrangements
A) In a crib in their own room–you are a good dad for putting your foot down and insisting the little woman separate from the leech
B) In bed with the wife–you are a good dad for sacrificing your own needs to meet your baby’s
C) In bed with both of you–you are a Super Dad!

Diaper changing
A) 0-1–you are a good dad for making sure the little woman does it
B) 50-100–you are a good dad for occasionally giving the little woman a hand
C) Once a day–you are a Super Dad!

Child Support
A) Yes–you are a Super Dad!
B) Yes, sometimes–you are a good dad for pitching in when you can
C) No, due to new family–you are a good dad to the new kids for saving your money for them, and a good dad to the old kids for providing them with siblings!

Kid trivia
A) Know it all–you’re lying
B) Know some–you’re a good dad, because you know the important stuff
C) Know their names–you’re a good dad, because at least you stuck around long enough to hear their names

Brought to you by the patriarchy and every exclamatory comment over how fabulous it is when a dad actually does some small thing to parent his kids.

One of my least favorite things ever is when a man says that he is “babysitting” his kids. They are his kids, he isnt babysitting he is just parenting.  Why isnt it called that when women do it?

I also think that it is sad how much people underestimate men when it comes to their parenting abilities. If I have to hear one more time about how a child’s diaper is on backwards because daddy put it on, or how a onesie is not buttoned correctly because daddy’s hands are too big I am going to explode.

My husband knows how to wrap a prefold in a bikini twist on a squirmy infant/baby/even toddler and fasten it with a snappi, and then put on a cover.  He isnt some kind of weird mutation of man.  He isnt a super genuis best father ever. He is just a great dad that actually gives a rat’s ass.

As a mother I am fully aware of the wars that go on for mommys. I know how working moms vs stay at home moms like to tear each other apart when they get the chance. I know that each faction has to prey on the insecurities of the others to make themselves feel better. I wish it wasnt the case but it is and there isnt much to say about it except that I hope that one day we rise above it… and realize we are all going to send our kids to therapy and just start saving up.

We opened gifts.

My brother in law made a basket of farmers market fruits and veggies with a basket from Ten Thousand Villages. Kate thought that the persimmons smelled funny.

He also made a beautiful “soup in a jar” with ingredients and instructions on how to make a great little soup. The presentation was beautiful… I really dont want to make it but I probably will soon.  Shake and Bake loves it too.  You can see him staring at it and wondering when he will get to have some yummy lentils and rice.

Kate got a ton of great gifts from our family. They are always so creative about what gifts to give the kids. We have serious issues with gifts with batteries and that make noises… we also hate plastic. The best gifts for us are learning and activity gifts… and this is a great one. A kaleidoscope. This little metal cylinder is going to give hours of endless entertainment and discovery for our two year old. And her parents.

She also received some puzzles…. she loves puzzles. Her little brain starts working as soon as she sees them.

I made Michael a book on Snapfish with pictures of the kid and him. It was his christmas gift from the children… it was like a love note from them to their daddy. I hope he liked it… it was made with such love.

Here is Calvin enjoying the Lambskin rug that I bought him for christmas. He loves it.. he digs his face into it and grabs onto it. I love the way it feels and it breaths really well. I bought it from Ruskovilla as well as some other things for Kate. I cant wait to get more things from this company. Their stuff is amazing.

My awesome Brother In Law gave Kate some great outdoor toys made from recycled plastic milk jugs from Green Toys.

My family is is really big into soccer. It is really kind of like the law that all Mexican families have to be into soccer… its like a religion. SO of course my daughter needs a soccer set. This will bring endless hours of entertainment and put her well on her way to being the professional soccer player that my father wants her to be. The first outfits that my parents bought her were rival soccer team uniforms for her. Each in their respective favorite team. She has around 5 of them now and so does our son. Soccer is serious business.

The Rockets outfit she is wearing my inlaws bought her. They are basketball people.  Sports are a big deal Kate. No pressure.

This sports thing is hard work. Let’s take a rest for a while ok?

The cooking started and it was a mad house. Mike and I worked and cooked together while the kids played outside with their new toys. Michael made the fruit salad which was beautiful and really good.

It had red and green cherries. Coconut chips. Bananas. Apples. Oranger. Marshmellows. Peacher. Grapes and mized nuts. Just divine and stunning to look at. The bowl the salad is in Michael gave me for Xmas this year. It is made of recycled plastics 100%. The colors are beautiful and it is responsibily made not in China.

The stuffed Zucchinis were great. I scooped out the innards of the zucches and mixed the guts with cheese, sour scream, proscuitto, onions, bell peppers, and curry powder.

The ham was absolutely divine. It was a ham from Paidom meats.. as usual. Do we eat meat from anywhere else? Nope.. not really.  The glaze was a brown sugar and mustard paste… it was delcared the best ham in years.  the crust was perfect. we cooked it from almost frozen, expecting a disaster.

Another side that I made was a baked mac and cheese. I used a variation of Alton Browns recipe. Started it out with a bechamel sauce and a million pounds of cheese. The crust was of panko bread crumbs and cheese. It took a good while to make (as did everything else that I made) but it was worth it.

It was a good christmas dinner with our family and with good food. We washed a million dishes and scrubbed a dozen pots and pans but it was worth it.  I cant wait till next year.

Sunday we made it to the Renaissance festival in Plantersville Texas.

Much fun was had and much food was consumed. The day was really quite beautiful, it was not hot and it was not cold. There was a light breeze and it was just comfortable with little humidity (well little as far as Houston is concerened).

Kate and the Flowers

Kate loved eating smelling the flowers and dancing around like a monkey child. We watched a group do a little jig and dance a fling and Kate danced right along with them.

Dancing Kate

I dressed the kids up in tie dye as you can see because if Ren Faire isnt the time to let your freak flag fly then when can you? Calvin was also wearing lime green baby legs and yellow socks. He has more colors on than Superman.

Tie dye baby

My two favorite things on earth. Food and hot men babywearing. As a side note : You dont not realize how wonderful a father a man is until you are driving back, tired and weary from being out all day long and the baby starts crying. Then the man in question busts out in a harmony with you of “The Lion sleeps tonight” to try and calm the baby down a bit, and then when the song is over start singing about how we are exiting the freeway just for the him and to not cry because we are going to get him out. There are fewer things on earth that are sweeter and more heartwarming than this.

Real men wear their babies.

Days like yesterday, with the perfect weather… the sunlight and the ren freaks… are days that I love living in Texas. With its big cities and small towns. WIth the little feed stores and big trucks. With its multitude of faires and get togethers that are just excuses for people to get together and be merry. This weekend was a weekend where I loved Texas.

Country feed store

While looking through to find pictures of him and thinking about the years that we knew him I found so many old great photogaphs. How times have changed. When we met Fox, Mike and I were just dating. We would go and hang out at restaurants and bars and listen to music. We would be out late, come home at odd hours, I was still in college and went to the gym 4 times a week. We had tons of extra income with no kids and a small Montrose apartment, our life consisted of street festivals and live music. Driving to Austin for 3 day festivals and just living day to day.

Me having a drink in Las vegas

It was a different time back then.

Why hello there emo glasses!!

 Can you believe this man is now my husband?

Hotness

Time passes by too fast.  RIP Robert and thanks for being part of a great part of our lives. We will miss you.

motorcycle cowboy at a distance

For almost two years we have been parents.

In December of this year it will be two years since we brought Katherine into this world. Our little girl. She now has the pleasure and luxury of responding to my requests with an apathetic “Whatever mommy” when she does not want to do something.  Where did she get this from? How is my little girl so big now? When did this happen?

We had a new little boy named Shake and Bake (Calvin) and he is going to be three months old next week. I really dont understand how we do it, but we do. I still dont understand why we do it but I guess the law says we have to since they are already here and I really dont want to imagine the pain of returning them from whence they came.

My goal this year is to update this with my thoughts on parenthood, my tips, my tricks, and ideas. I know that as a parent I really drove myself mad trying to be perfect, so much that I spent the first few months of my daughter’s life crying and wondering how expensive the therapy bills would be as she got older because of my tremendous failures. I was sure that she was going to show up one day with some tattooed, long haired biker dude named “Dog” and tell me how I was a horrible mother as she rode of into the sunset on his motorcycle with skulls and flames and old english lettering across it.  After all, I deserved it because I was obviously a failure as a parent. I also deserved it because I had my fair share of running off with long haired motorcycle cowboy rebels (see above)  without a clue in my years, so karma was just getting me back.  If reading my blog can help one sole woman out there not beat herself up on a regular basis because she sees that my parenting is as bad good as theirs. Then I have accomplished something.

Truth be told I try to be a good mother eventhough many a mom would say that the simple fact that I work outside of the home makes me a bad mother… but I know that I have a lot of work to do before I reach mother of the year awards and before there are monuments made to me in hand carved marble.