I told him about my own two encounters with breastfeeding problems in public and he asked me outright why I didnt sue. Especially the time that it happened at the airport (IAH for those that want to know). He said, “not for the money Alma, but for the change… can you imagine what they do to mothers that dont know their rights like you do?”. This is a man who has never read a LLL pamphlet, does not hang out on MDC, and who really doesnt understand what being “crunchy” means… this is just a man who knows what is best for our children and does not fathom why this is such a big deal for the rest of the world to understand.

My father actually doesnt agree with a great deal of what I do. He was cautious about my homebirth (though he was present for a good while for both of my labors), he doesnt agree with non vaxxing (as someone who went to medical school in Mexico where they loooove their vaxes) and he thinks that organic is mostly horse-hockey (though my mother buys organic and we share a co-op share every week)… this is not a man who “drank the hippie kool-aide” like some would say that many of us lactivists did… he is just an educated man who doesnt understand why something so natural and beneficial is seen so dirty… this may be one of the few things that my parents and I agree on… hey, at least it’s something.

Calvin and my dad

When Calvin was born I did not need more stuff so I havent bought a new babywearing device in ages. This Mother’s day I decided that I needed a really good supportive wrap for my big babies and decided to splurge on a good Didymos waves.

I didnt know if getting a woven wrap in the middle of the texas heat would be a good idea but I went for it. I have worn this wrap every time that I have needed a babywearing device since I got it.  Today is was over 90 degrees and hot as hell.

Here is Calvin hanging out in the new waves while at the park today. I am putting Kate in a swing and he is just chilling.

Here you can see Kate and Aidan walking hand in hand and Calvin’s head peeping out from the top of the waves while I carry two bags.

I am so in love with this wrap. It is cool and supportive. Soft and comfy. I really dont know how I lived so long without it.

Truth is, that is never something that parents have to resort to but I can definatly understand why it is considered such an attractive option.  if your child has special needs that are made worse by being touched when angry or something like this, this obviously does not apply to you as you know better than anyone else what your child can and cannot tolerate… but for the rest of us, there are ways of avoiding CIO with all children. If you have chosen to try letting your child cry for whatever reason that is your choice, but you can stop it at any time and look for alternatives. Here are just a few.

FIrst of all, what is cry it out?

There are a few definitions. Some say that it is letting a child cry alone for no reason. Others say that it is letting a child cry for more than a minute. The way I see it, if you can stop your child from crying… and you know that you can.. but you will not do it to try to teach the child a lesson that is crying it out. Some may not agree with the way that I see this but I have a firm belief that it is our job to comfort our children and if we arent doing it on purpose we are not doing something right. We all know the difference between a toddler throwing a tantrum because they want candy and a child who truly needs us with them. I am not talking about giving in to every tantrum, I am talking about a child who needs and wants us. Who needs our attention.

How do we avoid getting to a point where CIO seems like it is our only hope.

To begin with we have to not have too high expectations for our children.  We should not try to fix a 6 month old that isnt sleeping through the night. My husband still does not sleep through the night, why should a 6 month old? We should also not believe that a child under the age of 1 (some might argue 18 months or even 24 months) should be able to sleep without milk or food, so night weaning at this age should not even be tried.  Trying to nightwearn a child or force a child to sleep through the night at too young an age just leads to tears and suffering for all parties. The best bet is to go with the flow of what your child is doing when it comes to this… because if a child isnt ready. They arent ready. Most new parents especially are guilty of this trying to get their newborn to walk faster, talk faster, eat solids faster, sleep better, etc…. it is especially hard when other parents tell you that their special snowflake already does these things… do just get over and it accept that your child will not follow the “rules” that “what to expect when you are expecting” has set out for you. Dont be afraid to give into your child’s wants…  in one of my favorite articles in Mothering Magazine by Peggy O’Mara she says is best…

1. Trust your child. Your infant’s wants and needs are the same. The child is unencumbered by fashions, trends, and customs.

You are not spoiling a child for responding to their wants, you are simply parenting.

Another thing you can do is set a routine. Some kids really like knowing what is next and really like following routines. If you child is one of them set something up. Maybe a bath, changing into PJs, a glass of milk, a story, and then cuddling and sleep. Be careful to not make these something that become a fight if you child doesnt want to follow them, not all kids like these… read your child’s cues. If it becomes a fight.. dont do it.

Remember that while many books recommend that kids get 12-16 hours of sleep a day… not all do and that is ok. If you child is thriving, happy, and active but they dont sleep that much.. it is ok. Mine are like this.. they dont need as much sleep as other children and I think that they are doing just fine. Again, read your kid’s cues.

Accept that if they want to sleep next to you and they are older than a few months old.. it is ok. They are only this little once and it is for a very short amount of time. If they need your comfort longer than you ideally wanted them to be with you in bed… let them be. They are still little.

There are a few books that are good to read regarding putting children to sleep, they give good suggestions abut what to eat, what not to eat… what to avoid.. what to try.. and give good insight as to how human being sleep in general.

One of them is the No Cry Sleep Solution , it does not advocate letting a child cry and is truly gentle. Books to avoid on this subject are books like Baby Wise, any book by Dr. Ferber, and I am sure others out there that advocate letting a child cry. I have read a couple and cannot believe that these books are followed. They tell you to let your child cry until it vomits. They tell you that you must be firm. I dont know about you but I cannot stand hearing my child cry for no reason.

I have a toddler and I know that they cry and throw tantrums but why would I purposely try to make my child suffer for no reason? I dont get it. There has been reserach done on CIO and how it is damanging to children and adults but no more studies are allowed on the subject because they are considered unethical. I find it sad that scientists wont allow studies done on this but parents are ok with doing it. Harvard did a study regarding some long term effects of crying it out on adults and it was interesting to see how adults were still affected by what was done to them as children.

I know that as a mother my heart breaks when I hear a baby crying and I believe that it is how we have evolved. In caveman times if a child cried it would have gotten eaten because it would have made noise… giving away the hiding place of the group to predators. So it is instinctual to stop babies from crying, very deep rooted. So why are we not listening to our instincts?

“Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms
the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they’re sensitive to
future trauma.”
- Dr. Michael Commons, Dept of Psychiatry, Harvard

I do not know every single way of putting a child to sleep. Hell, my own kids sometimes wake up and have issues going to sleep… it is part of parenting. I have accepted it.. as well as you should if you have kids too… but I do know this. My child is secure in herself and smart. My infant trusts me. My toddler feels free to come into bed with us when she needs it, opening up the door for future attachment and communication with her… which she will need as she gets older.  As a parent we lose sleep for our children for the rest of our lives, so I would rather sleep better when she is older knowing that she feels secure because of the choices that I made when she was a baby.

I have never thought that letting a child cry it out did any good. I do not believe that it works… even if a child might react to it in the immediate future giving you a couple more hours of sleep… my child’s future wellbeing is not worth a couple hours of sleep and it never will be.

Times have changed in the past few years and with more women working and fathers taking on more of the responsbility of caring for the children this had compounded.  WIth both parents working outside of the home the need for sleep is even bigger because one parent cant be made to sacrifice their sleep for the other with the hopes of napping during the day… they are both working fulltime jobs.

Well meaning family members often say that a baby needs to cry so that their lungs open up, that your child needs to find its own way to cope, and that if you baby a child too long they will never sleep through the night and they will never leave your bed and you will have a clingy needy child.  That holding a baby so that they go to sleep is just dooming them and you for suffering in the future… you know the story.  Children’s lungs are fully developed at birth for most children who are born full term …if they needed to “open up” as they say the baby would have been rushed to the NICU and not permitted to go home until they were fine …so this makes no sense, and lungs get plenty of “exercise” with that whole breathing several times a minute thing… so that again makes no sense.  I also perscribe to the idea that it is normal for babies to want to be held and that holding your baby is beneficial for both parent and child… hence why I am an avid babywearer.

So who do you trust when deciding how to help your child sleep? Where do you turn to for help? Those hazy 2 am mornings where your child wants to do nothing but play, or eat, or cry… what resources does an exhausted parent have?

To begin with I will say that I am a huge advocate of co-sleeping. We have a family bed.  I breastfeed my children exclusively and cosleeping makes night feeding easier on all of us. The baby wakes up, starts making noises.. roots around.. by this time I am awake and I have a boob placed firmly in their face and they start suckling away.  Getting comfort and nourishment. I dont have to get up and I dont even have to truly wake up… I go back to sleep and the baby keeps nursing in their sleep. The baby is done and pops off, many times I dont even know when this happens because I am asleep.  Cosleeping can actually help women with supply issues because they will nurse more often and get more rest.    Cosleeping has saved my sanity, I am quite sure of it.

When I was pregnant with Kate I really did not give it much thought honestly… I knew what it was and I knew that this was quite common in my culture and I thought it was something that I would do… but I didnt really know why at the time.  It just felt right.  Mike wasnt as conviced but he went along. After Kate was born she was one of those babies that would not sleep anywhere except on someone’s chest. This was the way it was for roughly 8 weeks. We sleep on our back and took turns with her on our chest.  It was eight long and exhausting weeks. We thought they would never end and we were sure that there was something wrong with us as parents because of this. Since then I have found that this is normal and have been able to convice other parents in similar situations that it doesnt last forever. You want have a 12 year old on your chest to sleep and that it is perfectly safe to sleep in the same bed as your newborn.  We were not given the choice with her on whether we wanted to cosleep or not, she made sure we knew that it was going to happen… and even now she is still our child that needs the most comfort.

Calvin was born and he almost instantly was able to soothe himself and sleep on his own better. We still cosleep with him and he nurses at night and he looks for us… but his world doesnt come crashing down if we are not there when his eyes are opened.  He never had to sleep on our chest and he will routinely push me away if I am too close at night for his liking. On the other hand Kate would cry if she woke up and we were not there next to her until she was 2 years old, and still now if she is in bed with us she is so close to us that we are breathing the same air. That is how she is and that is fine. We have accepted it and I quite honestly love cuddling with her.  She sometimes crawls into bed with us at 2 am from her own little bed and I can feel her burying her face in mine and going “mommmyyyyy” in a slow and quiet voice. I acknowledge her prescence and hug her. She smiles lightly and drifts back to sleep peacefully.

Some nights are hard. Sometimes she cries saying that she wants milk and she still uses milk as her comfort… I dont really see much wrong with that because I know that I still use things to comfort me. Other times (especially when she is sick) she still wants you to hold her upright in a chair… so her wonderful father takes her into the living room and they sit there and sleep together sitting upright… we have learned that this helps her sleep and breathe better when she is congested and even our pediatrician recommended this for her.  Teething nights are awful because we have a baby who is whiny and in pain and who really cant tell you know is wrong but he hurts and wants it to go away. Growth spurts are awful because all Calvin does is nurse nurse nurse nurse nuse all night long. They are especially bad the first couple of months after your milk comes in because there are a lot of growth spurts that seem to blend into one HUGE one. They can be exhausting… but again.. they do end.

Do all parents cosleep?

No. Of course not.. but I will tell you something. Parents lie. Especially parents of older kids (and your own parents, sorry to break that to ya). People have selective memory when it comes to having kids I believe. Most parents of older kids will tell you that their kids never cried in public. They were all potty trained by a year. and of course.. they never coslept. Even parents of younger kids will say that their kids are sleeping through the night at 6 weeks in their own crib. While for some it may be true I have found that parenting is like a weird competition for some parents… and they just outright lie to save face.  Co sleeping is a huge thing people lie about, it is like a dirty little secret almost.

Is cosleeping safe?

Yes it is. Of course you have to make sure that you are doing it safely… like dont let a toddler and an infant sleep next to each other and dont go to bed under the influence of anything that hampers your judgement and reflexes…and there are a few things that you have to make sure of.. most of them common sense. But yes, it is safe.  It has even shown to lower the cases of SIDS vs babies who sleep on their own.

Every once in a while an article comes out against cosleeping and mentions how it kills babies… some states like New york have a campaign against it…this article is a good example of this… but even this article that is supposed to be about how babies are dying from cosleepnig mentions how it is safe and the flaws in the New York campaign.

There is no real one size fits all for how to get babies to sleep but cosleeping should be seen as an option. It works for many parents and it is beneficial for families.

We have two and Kate and Cal both like to play with them. I even like playing with them because they are soothing. I cant understand why I love these and not regular baby rattles but plastic rattles sound empty… and these sound like rain falling almost… these sound like they are something different. I wont even try explaining it but I even like the way that they smell.

I belive sometimes that my having kids was just an excuse for me to buy stuff that I wanted but blame it on my kids. There might be more truth to that than originally thought….

We helped with 66 babies at Bay Area Birth Center in 2008!
Home births 33
Birth Center 33
Biggest Baby 10 pounds, 10 ounces
Smallest Baby 5 punds, 13 ounces
Transferred to Hospital Moms-8, Babies-1
C-Sections- 3
Premature- 1 (at 34 weeks)
Oldest Mom- 44
Youngest Mom- 20
Attempted VBAC’s- 7, Successful VBAC’s-7
Breech Births-1
Twins-0
Deaths-0
Long term morbidity-0
Miscaraiges-8 (not counted in total)

These are great numbers. Her csection rate is roughly 5% which is an acceptable percentage for her total births.  The percentages of csections that is considered ok is roughly 10% for a practitioner so this is a great number.

Another number that needs to be mentioned is VBACs (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). She had a 100% success rate last year with VBACs and that is wonderful.  Here in Houston getting a VBAC is all but banned. All of these VBACs were homebirth, I know this because birth centers cannot have VBACs at their centers… why? Ask the government.. not me. I dont know why.

The whole risk of uterine rupture thing that they claim is sooo scary seems to not be as big of a deal as they claim it is, especially if you dont give a mom pitocin which makes the risk worse.

She even helped deliver a breech!!

If the stats for our country as whole were like this the costs of deliveries would be MUCH less, and there would be less babies in the NICU and there would be less mothers recovering from painful surgeries… leading to more breastfeeding success rates.

I am so happy that my little Calvin was one of the homebirths in this tiny statistical survey.

Some of the first toys that we got for the kids were music oriented. We sing songs to them and we dance alot. We have a little boombox in their bedroom and it is turned on most of the time.

Kate has started singing to herself and to us and to the baby. Her favorite songs right now are “Frere Jacques” and “B-I-N-G-O”. She sings them while playing on her glockenspiel. I love that toy and she does too. I bought it for her when she was a few months old and it has been one of her favorite since then. She understands rhythm and shakes rattles and rolls. She loves certain types of music… like zydeco and heavy metal. If we want her to go to sleep we have to make sure that we arent watching VH1 or MTV because she will want to get up and play air guitar.

Calvin loves being sung to, when he is upset I sing to him and he gets happy again.  If music is on he listens attentively and moves his head towards the sounds.

Music is such an important part of learning that it really matters to us that our kids have access to it on a regular basis.

What songs do your kiddos like?

Mike and I discussed how we are going to approach solids with this baby. It wasnt a formal discussion.. it was more of a “so I guess we should start planning on giving him avocado and hummus soon huh?” and I said “yup”.

That is how Mike and I communicate, generally we are on the same wavelength so it isnt an problem. We have done this before so there really wasnt that much to talk about this time around… but in case you havent. Here is what we did and what is recommended. Of course more than anything YOU know your own baby better than anyone on the internet does… so dont push your baby if they are not ready yet.

Watch your baby, not the calendar.

Feedings should start only after the baby has been fed from the breast (or formula) because you dont want them to drink less of that because they need it for their growth. Their bodies still need to get most of the nutrients they need from this and not from solids.  So you should nurse first, and then add some solids later to give them some taste of it. As they get older then the solids will be the bulk of the food they eat, but this is a gradual process that can take even two years. Do not expect this to happen by a child’s first birthday or soon after that.

Start off with once a day, maybe after the “lunch” nursing session. Introduce one food at a time and wait a week or so between introducing new foods. This gives you time to see if your baby has a reaction to a food and know exactly what food it is immediately. Note that they might not have a reaction with the first or second time they have it… this is why it is recommended to try one food for one week, and go from there.  If a child has a reaction to a food take note of it, it might be that the child has a sensitivity to it… or maybe they are just not ready for it. Many children arent ready for tomatoes very young but they are ok with it when they are older.

How do you know if your baby had a reaction to something that they were given?

• they are gassy or bloated
• they get a diaper rash
• eczema
• runny nose or other signs that are common with hay fever
• diarrhea or mucusy stools
• red ring around anus
• vomiting
• crankyness
• your baby not acting like herself/himself

You know your baby better than anyone else and if you can tell that your child reacts in a way that isnt normal for them… stop giving them that food and wait until that has cleared up to introduce something else.

During this time period you might want to introduce a few sips of water if you want to give your child an option as to having other things to drink. It isnt necessary yet at all but it is possible.

A word on juice. I have a personal issue with juice. I think that it is abused and overused and it is peddled by grocery stores and companies left and right as being great for kids. Truth be told, it isnt great for kids… it isnt even necessary. Yes it is a fun thing to drink and kids that are given it get addicted to it like crack but most juices are:

a) FULL of sugar

b) have High fructose corn syrup

c) expensive

d) offer very little nutritional value

e) are awful to kid’s teeth

There really is no reason to give kids juice.  If you really have the urge to give your kids juice than buy some oranges and make it yourself. that way you know that your kids arent getting some crap in a can. Even the ones that say they have less sugar and are “fortified” with vitamins and minerals or what ever they claim are mostly unhealthy.

Most parents are told to start off with rice cereal.

First thing I want to say about rice cereal is that the whole “putting cereal in the bottle” along with the formula or breastmilk is an antiquated and dangerous idea.  Pediatricians and health organizations are against doing this at all, eventhough you still hear of some well meaning mothers and grandmothers suggesting that parents do this to “help the baby sleep longer”… which has also been proven to not work.

After doing careful research on the subject of infant solids we never gave our kids rice cereal as their first foods for many reasons. To begin with many rice cereals have soy oil, lecithin, wheat, and preservatives in them. Things that my baby doesnt need and that are common allergens. Babies do not need allergens in their system if they can help it.

Rice cereal also is pretty much empty calories. It has some vitamins in it but it is so minimal and not worth it. If you want your kid to get those vitamins and minerals feed them some fresh fruits and veggies.

So apart from being useless, containing allergens, and lets not mention that it tastes gross…. rice cereal does not get my golden seal of approval for something to start kids with as their first solids.

So what do you start with?

It depends what is normal in your family… a baby doesnt really need a special diet or special food bought for them. As long as you are careful and watch your baby’s cues the baby can eat the same, or similar things to what you eat.

We eat a lot of mexican food… so we started Kate off with homemade guacamole. It has many nutrients and good fats in it… as well as it is easy to make and we had it on hand. We obviously left out the onions and tomatoes, we just started off with avocadoes smushed with a fork until they were at a texture that the kiddo would like. If that worked then we added a little lime juice for flavor a week or so later.

Of course a staple are bananas, with a small spoon I scraped bananas up and fed them to her.

She was a huge fan of sweet potatoes so we steamed some and fed them to her plain. We gave her plain hummus with olive oil and she became a fan. Huge fan. Still is… hummus is full of protein and is a great legume. Speaking of legumes lentils are a big things for her too… the iron those have in it really make sure that we dont worry about iron supplementation, which many doctors try to push after around 6 months or so… but that I really dont feel is necessary for most kids at all.

Well we started with that… and the list grew from there… she soon had peas, carrots, apples, pears, and other fruits and veggies.

At around 10-11 months old we introduced citrus, which she loved… but it was a little strong for her yet. We reintroduced it around 16 months and she was fine. She loves “ornages”.

At around 18 months berry season was in peak here in Houston so we got a lot of berries at the farmer’s market. This led to Kate loving blackberries, blueberries and strawberries. We introduced them slowly and she did great with them. They are some of her favorite foods. Around this time tomatoes were also introduced and she is hooked on them.

We use only fresh or dried fruits and veggies, we have never fed her canned in syrups or anything like that.  The dried fruits and veggies that we use are from Just Tomatoes or Tierra Farm because they are just dried and have no sulfites or salt, or anything else added to them.

We have never felt the need to purchase “special” kids dishes and wenever have to stop at McDonalds to get her french fries because she doesnt eat anything else. Apart from the fact that she has never had McDonalds… she eats everything.  Sure there are days where she isnt in the mood to eat as much as others or where she doesnt want to eat a certain food… but she is a great eater. She eats salad and broccoli. She loves corn and carrots. Raw carrots are a favorite snack for her. She love grapes and all fruits. She even eats olives… which I find digusting personally.

As soon as we started feeding her tomatoes we also started letting her try salsa that was mildly spicy. She did great with it and she actually eats salsa pretty well now. She loves dipping so salsa is fun for her even if it is really spicy sometimes for her.  She will tell us that it is “hot” and sign it… but keep eating it while drinking water along with it.

I dont have to make a special dinner or lunch for her, she eats what we eat.  Of course we make sure that she has varied meals and she doesnt get junk food at all.  We do let her eat pie and other baked goods but most of them are homemade. SHe wanted cookies last weekend so we made homamade cookies and she helped.

My kiddos seems to really love solid foods, Calvin is trying to eat my sandwich as we speak and prying the food from her little chubby fingers is getting harder and harder… but if your child doesnt respond to solids immediately that is ok. They might not be ready. It really isnt important until they get older than a year old anyways… if they dont like all foods it’s ok too. Try them again later.  Kids make faces at all new foods, it is normal.. just keep trying and keep offering. Offer things that you dont even think that they will like. You never know… Kate has surprised us. She eats pickles and lemons… she even eats onions… we dont limit what she eats as long as it is not dairy.  Offer your kids everything and read their cues.

Solids are fun but most parents are at a rush to start solids with their kids because they want those cute pictures of the messy babies for their scrapbook… well have a little patience. Our babies are only little for a short time, let them enjoy being little… soon enough you will miss that.

I saw this recipe for Five Minutes a day bread and it seems like it would work for us. We are crazy busy and sometimes this break making thing takes a real long time.

We will get brave though…. and when we do I want to try this potato bread recipe.

Tonight is the first night that Mike goes back to teaching this semester. He teaches two classes again, this time on Tuesday nights and on Saturday mornings. I always miss him and the kids go crazy without their beloved father.

Another gadget that I have been loving this new year has been my rice cooker. Mike bought me an amazing rice cooker for Christmas last month and I have been really using it often.  Last night I made chicken Mole sauce with spanish rice and the rice cooker took care of the rice for me.  I boiled the chicken and used the stock from it to make the rice and to make the mole sauce.

Speaking of food… Calvin my little chunkster is crazy trying to get solid food into his little mouth. He grabs at plates, he tries to stuff things in his mouth all of the time. He lunges at people eating and he stares at our plates, following the food to our mouths like a lost puppy. I feel sometimes like an awful mother for not giving in to his obvious desire for wanting solid foods, but I have my reasons.

What are they?

Glad you asked!!

To begin with these are the signs that an infant is ready for solids. (From Kellymom.com)

• Baby can sit up well without support.
• Baby has lost the tongue-thrust reflex and does not automatically push solids out of his mouth with his tongue.
• Baby is ready and willing to chew.
• Baby is developing a “pincer” grasp, where he picks up food or other objects between thumb and forefinger. Using the fingers and scraping the food into the palm of the hand (palmar grasp) does not substitute for pincer grasp development.
• Baby is eager to participate in mealtime and may try to grab food and put it in his mouth.

Shake n Bake is 85% there but not 100% so he gets no solids yet. He is also not 6 months old yet which is the minimum that one should wait to introduce solids to a child. We have a family with a history of allergies, Kate has dairy allergies so I am going to wait as long as I can to make sure that his “gut” has been closed. For the first year solids are just for play anyways as babies need to stay on breastmilk being their primary source of nutrition for at least a year so I am in no hurry.

If you see the picture above, he isnt hurting or starving… so we really dont need to stuff him full of food quite yet. Also it will be cheaper for us to not feed him solids. When he is on solids he will eat us out of house and home. Seriously folks.

That describes our year so far.

We slept early on new years eve and have a nice little family weekend since then.

Devin my BFF had her second baby boy on New years. He is beautiful and his feet at tiny and his nail are sharp. He was born in their home, in their big tub, in the caul.  Her birth was picture perfect and they are all happy and healthy.  He has no name but he will soon.  Seeing her happy and relaxed you wouldnt think she had a baby a few days ago.

It almost makes we want another one. Almost. It sure as hell makes my uterus twitch.

I had our little Cal recently…. so I dont need a new baby… but knowing that this is our last baby makes me sad sometimes.

Oh well… happy birthday “No name baby”. We love ya and my kiddos cant wait to get ahold of you to play with you and Aidan, the happy older brother.