I live in Texas where our abstinence ed program is obviously not working. We have one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country (which happens to have one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the first world) and we have the highest rate of teens having more than ONE baby. Thankfully it seems like some places in the state are doing away with AO Sex Ed and moving to a more realistic approach to the topic.

The Washington Post had an article about how those virgin promise rings do not work and really it was pretty much common sense that they didnt, there did not need to be an article or study done on it. As a women who grew up religious with AO Ed. I can tell you that it doesnt work. Many of my friends and my friend’s siblings did end up pregnant before marriage and I firmly believe that many of them could have been avoided if we just knew how the hell to NOT get pregnant. Yet in our religion sex is evil unless it is done under the sanction of the church so we like to pretend that it does not happen. This is how I know that right now we have a 14 year old pregnant at my old church, with the dad being another 14 year old. Sad indeed. I will actually admit that I was having sex and did not know how babies came out of a woman. My ignorance in the topic was pretty bad and it was not until I got on the internet that I found out the truth about the birds and the bees. I was well into high school at that point.

Science agrees with me.  The APA says that Comprehensive Sex Ed is better at helping stop the spread of diseases like HIV.

The research on adolescents’ sexual behavior shows that comprehensive sexuality education programs that discuss the appropriate use of condoms do not accelerate sexual experiences. On the contrary, evidence suggests that such programs actually increase the number of adolescents who abstain from sex and also delay the onset of first sexual intercourse.

Knowledge is power.

With Kate we are taking a very open route. She knows how babies come out, she has seen the videos and was there when I was in labor with her brother. She know that daddies put babies inside of mommies and is not ashamed of asking if she has questions. I would like to keep it that way. My hopes are that my children do not grow up with the ignorance that I did and have to find out much later than they should have how to protect themselves. My hopes are that my kids can ask me anything and are comfortable with their bodies and with themselves.

We have started discussing with Kate about things that you do in private and how those are important to keep in your own room. She knows that nobody should touch right now unless it is a doctor or a parent. She is fully aware of the fact that her brother and her are different and has asked why that is so. We have explained in words that are appropriate for her age and that are honest about the differences and hope that as she grows older she will not be ashamed to ask more if we are not already giving her the education that she needs.

Religion is what many AO Ed. programs are based on and I believe that since religion should have no place in schools we should not have to have our tax dollars pay for these useless programs. Unfortunately, we are paying for them.

I am against abstinence only education because it is insulting to the children involved. It is not realistic. It is useless. It is also outright dangerous, because it allows us to put our children at greater risk for diseases and unwanted pregnancies. I firmly believe that it also makes it so that our children are more vulnerable to sexual predators.  While there is no full proof defense against abuse, education can be a great tool for our children. Our children depend on us to help them navigate through the world. I am against abstinence only education at the end of the day for no other reason than because sex is not shameful and our children should be taught how to enjoy it and how to be safe while doing so. Sex is part of human nature and part of life. Our society needs to get over the idea that sex is dirty and our children should be shielded from it, after all… how did they get here?

To help kick start the celebrations and of course educate on the subject I went on the Whole Mother Show this morning at 6:30 am with the host Pat Jones who is a local Houston midwife and founder of the BIRTH and the BIRTH Fair .

Here is the link to listen to my interview. I am not a great speaker but I do know about babywearing enough to talk about it for 25 minutes.

We started our babywearing journey when Kate was a newborn. She needed to be held and I needed to be able to get up to eat/pee/etc. She still is my child who needs me the most and we have this special bond. We lay in bed in the mornings and just stare at each other and smile as our eyes get ready to start the day.  She is and always will be our little girl.

first babywearing picture

This is our first picture of us babywearing her. You can see my tassled hair and the exhaustion in my eyes.

staring

There she was, tiny and scared. She was technically “overdue” but she was only 6 and a half pounds which makes me think that our dates were off. Thank goodness that I did not consider 40 weeks to be an eviction date for her as I really shudder to think of how teeny she would have been if I had done that… and possibly even sick.  We first wore her in a Moby Wrap because she wanted to be upright and did not like to be laying down. She also preferred to be tummy to tummy with me.  To me it also made it easier to nurse. She really did everything in the carrier at that point, she napped, explored, smiled, pooped, peed… I was thankful for good cloth diapers that protected me from her explosions.

I find this picture really interesting because she still looks like that when she falls asleep on us. Except for having more hair and being so tall that she doesnt fit through doors anymore easily when being carried laying down…

As she got older back carries really got to be our favorites. She could look around and be almost free and so could I. Yet she was still with me.

As she got older babywearing became a sort of security blanket for her. Her source of comfort. Except instead of her being comforted by a toy, or a blanket, or a pacifier she was being comforted by me.  This made it easier so that I did not have to carry around a comfort device because being worn was all she needed. After a while it didnt even have to be me doing the wearing because since others wore her too she became comfortable with Mike, my mother, even Mike’s father wearing her.

Is there anything cuter and sweeter than a babywearing grandpa? I dont think so. Nope, I dont.

I cannot say enough about how wonderful babywearing has been for us. If you need help babywearing please contact a local babywearers chapter. You can find them on yahoo groups and on MotheringDotCommunity’s finding your tribe section. Just go to your local area and ask!

A worn baby, is a happy baby.

Early Spankings Make for Aggressive Toddlers

This is not the first time that an article like this comes out. Cnn came out with something similar over 10 years ago.

Spanking Leads to Long Term Bad Behaviour

Let’s dissect the yahoo article a bit. The studies were on children who were 1, 2, and 3 years old and being spanked.   There was more enphasis done on the one year olds who were spanked an average of “2.6 per week”  while for the 2 year olds it was “nearly three”.

Those of you with kids probably know that at one year old children do NOT understand things completely. If you say “no” they do not really get it. They might repeat the word often, I know mine did. They might say it back to you. They might even say it back while laughing and doing exactly what they are not supposed to do!!! But they do NOT fully understand what it means. Them saying it and them playing with it is their form of experimenting with the word and its meanings.  This is how children learn by mimicking and seeing what the boundaries are. They really are like little scientists in that aspect.  So my question is, why are we spanking one year olds? My next question is, why are we spanking one year olds almost 3 times a week? What are they doing that deserves physical punishment?

When I read this article it was (as I mentioned above) of no surprise. If one year olds do not understand “no” and they do not understand that what they are doing is not right… do you think that they will understand why they are being hit? No, they simply cannot. All they learn is that hitting is ok, they do not grasp that they are being hit as punishment… they just know that it is taking place. Since children learn a great deal by imitating they will assume that this is acceptable behaviour and do it to their peers, parents, anyone that is near them. So they will hit, and then as a result of this hitting they will probably get hit again. This turns into a never ending cycle of violence. These children get older with the belief still in their brains that hitting for no reason is ok and will continue to do so even after their parents tell them not to, because quite honestly their parents are setting the example of why this is acceptable. As parents we teach by example, whether we like it or not.

Going back to my original set of questions… so what where these kids doing that was so bad? I wish they would have told us that in the article because I cannot for the life of me understand what a one year old does that requires physical punishment.  This goes back to something that I preach a great deal about.

Forcing unrealistic expectations on children.

I have heard reasons as to why people spank their young children and they range from not wanting to eat, not wanting to sit in a carseat for extended periods of time, and not wanting to go to sleep when the parents want them to. All of these common reasons are things that children should not be really expected to do…. but our society has said that they are.  What needs to change here? The kids or the expectations?  I would like to know why people assume that a one year old should sit still for a one hour dinner at a restaurant, or why a child who cannot yet hold their own bowels should be ok with sitting in a carseat for hours without making a noise.

There are alternatives to disciplining your children that do not involve hitting. The article actually links to an article in the AAP website that suggests alternatives.

But if you still are finding yourself in a situation where it seems like you are having to discipline your young child all of the time then maybe it is time to re-evaluate your own beliefs as to what is “wrong”. Maybe making some changes to your lifestyle that allow your child to explore and have more freedom are in order. Maybe less pressure should be put on them, and in turn you, for the activities in their daily life.

Our daughter is a child who likes to push boundaries, she is very bright and sometimes a tough cookie. My mother told me during lunch two days ago that she would be “raising her differently” because of something that she did during dinner. As a mother who was spanked as a child repeatedly and voilently I must admit that it is almost natural to me to want to spank. It is true that when you grow up thinking that it is ok, it is something that comes easy especially when angry. I also believe that is is not acceptable even in times when the more gentle ways of disciplining are not working.

It isnt easy but the best path never is… and my children are worth it.  Whether it means re-evaluating my own history and what I have thought to be true all of my life… or it means learning mechanisms to control my anger.  There are other ways and now even mainstream news and media agrees with this belief.

Spanking is bad for children. Bad for Parents. Bad for Families.

Kate says “Spanking is bad mmm kkk????”

Please note that you will need to pay to ship your bottles inbound to SIGG for replacement as this is a voluntary program – not a recall. SIGG is not offering refunds. This exchange offer is available through October 31, 2009.

So um, you still have to pay for shipping to replace their bottles. I do not trust them and cannot say enough words about how dissapointed I am in this company and will be recycling my Siggs. I have never actually purchased one, I got three as gifts and hate how tiny the necks are. We use Kleen Kanteens.

This is not the first time that BPA causes a stir in reusable bottle-land. Do any of you remember the Nalgene incident? They said that BPA was not a problem and that their bottles were fine, yet they no longer sell bottles with BPA in them… funny how that works huh?

Apparently Patagonia has also decided that they are no longer going to do business with Sigg.

What other options do we have to Sigg for reusable non plastic bottles?

Apart from the Kleen Kanteen mentioned above, good old Thermos makes BPA free bottles  There is also the Kid Basic Safe Sporter,  the New Wave,  the Camelback (which has a great bite valve), the ThinkSport, and the Green Feet bottle.

I have used the Thermos Foogo for the kids and really quite love it. I have a couple of friends with the Camelback and ThinkSport and they are really fond of them. I had issues with cleaning the Foogo because of the way that they are built but I think that if you are careful and use a small nipple brush they might be easier to clean.

All in all, we have many different companies to chose from that do not use shady practices to get our businesses. We do not need Sigg and hopefully they will realize that they need us and that if they come clean, are honest, and really respect their consumers they might be able to rebuild their reputation. Until then, I am voting with my pocketbook and have decided that they are not for me.

I have a little something to say about a few points.

For WIC, supporting a breastfeeding mother costs about 45 percent less than a formula-feeding mother. Every year, $578 million in federal funds buys formula for babies who could be breastfeeding.

This is a part that I wish more people understood. One of the many reasons that I have heard for not breastfeeding is “Formula is free on WIC”… and I have to bite my tongue every time to not say that a) it isnt truly free, as it does cost someone something… mainly our tax payers and b) with the increased health issues that formula fed babies tend to get it again costs more.

I dont believe that the economic aspects of breastfeeding as really as important as the other benefits that come with the allmighty boob but the fact that it does make more fiscal sense is really great. As a working mother I know that I do not take a lot of days off for sick kids. I do not spend more than 15-20 minutes out of my day for pumping, and I always pump while working/answering emails/on teleconferences. My work place is very breastfeeding friendly, maybe because it is a european based company or maybe because it is a company that truly values mothers… I dont know. But regardless all companies should be this way.

We have two and Kate and Cal both like to play with them. I even like playing with them because they are soothing. I cant understand why I love these and not regular baby rattles but plastic rattles sound empty… and these sound like rain falling almost… these sound like they are something different. I wont even try explaining it but I even like the way that they smell.

I belive sometimes that my having kids was just an excuse for me to buy stuff that I wanted but blame it on my kids. There might be more truth to that than originally thought….

What have we been up to? Tons…

Tomorrow we start a Kindermusik and Sign Language class at our downtown library with the kids. I am looking forward to it.

Kate got her kitchen in finally from Camden Rose.  I am in love with it and so it she… basically it is the most beautiful piece of anything that I have seen in a long time. The wood has a great color and it is true heirloom quality.

I knit the little towel for the oven so she could have her own towel to hang on her kitchen. She thought it was really cool and was amazed that I made it just for her, she knew I made it because she watched me knit it for a couple of days.  It matches our real kitchen because our kitchen has wood trim so she really thinks that it is all part of our kitchen.  She is truly amazing. .. she is getting smarter and more chatty. She amuses Calvin and he amuses her as well.. they do a good job of keeping each other company at this point.

Calvin is no longer my little potato baby… this makes me sad as I truly feel like my baby boy is dissappearing before my eyes… just like Kate did.

this is hard on a mother… so very hard.

What do I take when sick? It really depends.

I am breastfeeding so I cannot take things like Sudafed because they will possibly dry up my supply. Most antihistamines will do this. I cant take other meds because the drugs will transfer through my milk to the baby I am feeding with my tit juice.

So what can I take? What do I take?

1. Emergen – C – I swear by this stuff. It tastes horrid but a couple of these a day has helped take the edge off of many colds in the past. It also helps me prevent getting cold when others have colds around me. I did not take some this time when the kids started getting sick and I was surrounded by the sick death plague ™ which I believe is why I feel like death now.
2. Oscillo by Boiron : I do believe in homeopathic meds and have a cabinet full of things that I take to help me feel better. I also use Coldcalm when my symptoms are not as bad as they do for me to take Oscilo. The kids have their own stuff and I have Chestal for them. Another thing I have around is just straight Pulsatilla. I even give this to the kids because I have it in a dosage that is safe for them to take as well.  This isnt all that I have but it is what I mainly use for my cold/flu symptoms that is actual medecine.
3. Honey. I love honey. Honey is great for everything. I put it on scars and on pimples. I use it for my facials and I sweeten tea with it. If I had to name a perfect food honey would be it. Raw, Unfiltered, and unheated honey is the best obviously but I understand that it is difficult to find. Well you make do with what you can. As we speak I am downing a little bottle of honey with lemon squeezed into it.  It has other things in it… which brings me to #4.
4. Garlic.  Garlic is part of my concoction of doom ™ that I make when we are sick. It basically involves heating a lemon under an open flame or in a salamander until it is a little brown (not black, just brown). Adding some of the above mentioned lemon. Garlic. Onions. and putting the lemons face down  in the honey mixture and eating it as hot as you humanly can. I have made this for my husband when he was sick and he hated it but ate it up and felt better.
5. Chicken soup. Yes it is an old stand by that our moms and grandmothers have used for year and that is one of the reasons why I know it works. This is why I believe that it works. The broth of homemade chicken soup (do not use premade broth because if you do you are officially failing at life) is full of nutrients from the veggies in the soup. The onions, the carrots, the celery… all of this is in the broth. The broth instantly revives us and gets us to drink more liquids… liquids are important when you are sick.
6. Quick defense: This contains two things that are great for colds, Echinachea and Elderberry. Elderberry syrup is actually easy to make at home and a good cold/flu concotion as well. I think I will try to make some to keep on hand for next time… but not right now. *sneeze sneeze cough cough* Anyways, Quick Defense is really concentrated and really expensive.  But it works. There really isnt much else to say about this.

All of these work in different ways. My beliefs are that we dont need things to cure us, but we need things that will better arm our body so that our body can do its job of curing us.  Sometimes colds, especially repeated ones are signs that we are not doing enough for our bodies. Either we are eating too little to lose weight, or we are not eating the types of foods that our body needs… so it cannot help us fight things off like it should.

I am going to go get some rest and finish off my chicken soup from yesterday. See you on the other side.

I have written whole posts about the guilt that I associated with not realizing this sooner and the Elimination Diet was what finally fixed my child’s suffering and my tears from it.

Before I hit the nail on the head though I did try things that helped a great deal. One of them was babywearing, it helped on a regular basis and I still do it with her at 2+ years of age and with the ShakeNBake. I will write a whole series on that another time but it needs to be mentioned.

Another thing I tried was Colic Calm’s Gripe water. I liked it for a couple of reasons, to begin with their website didnt reek of DRUG UP YOUR BABY NOW instead is has a whole page with causes and suggestions as to what the issue might be and how to fix it without drugging up babies.  I tried them all obviously and this is one of the places where I first saw that it could possibly be related to MY food.

The site also had an article that taught me a lot about reflux. I believe that true reflux exists but that it is highly over diagnosed in infant and most peds are wayyy too happy to write a script for an antacid and give poor babies DRUGGZZZZ.

In the list of ingredients I didnt see a whole lot that scared the bejeesus out of me.  Most of the ingredients are things I had either used myself or know that were used to help with stomach issues. Ginger, Fennel, Chamomille, and aloe are all things that I keep in stock in my home to help with random ailments…. so I figured why not right?

I remember googling late one night and sendin Mike out to get it and him not being able to find it. I was seriously bothered because the pharmacists seemed to be clueless regarding any “natural” type remedies… ugh it was so frustrating.  Anyways we tried it and it helped…things did not get 100% better until after the elimination diet but I can say that this was worth the 10 minutes of peace that it did give us. Thankfully Calvin hasnt needed it and at 6 months it seems like he wont.

I really havent tried other colic drops for kids because as I am sure you know well by now I would rather do anything under the sun than try anything I could buy at a pharmacy. :p

Thankfully, the colic ends.. and now my toddler is a well adjusted yogi.

If your children are like mine then this will provide countless hours of entertainment watching the baby animals go “night night”. My daughter likes to scream at them telling them to “wake up!! wake up baby bear!!”.

My child loves animals, with Chiquita and Quincy around she is in constant interaction with little slobbery creatures …you know other than Calvin.  One of her first signs in ASL was for “dog” and it is still one of her favorites.

This website is totally cute. Just freaking cute.